It's been almost two weeks since I left a message for my assistant Charlie, saying, "I'm done." It was after yet another work-related crisis in two months, and I simply had no resilience left. I was spent. I was yelling, "I don't want to be an entrepreneur anymore," "I don't want to own a business anymore," and "everything keeps going wrong."
A tough two months, which certainly took its toll. In this blog post, I'll tell you all about it.
more Read moreFrom one thing to another
It actually started back in May. Suddenly, my website (for shops) stopped working, and after much deliberation, it turned out the only option was to build a new one. I could handle that! It's a lot of work, all of which I do myself, but I had a month's delay in my schedule, so off I went!
Just as that was over, I received bad news about a product that demanded my attention and caused me a lot of stress. Then I got sick, my website was hacked, the new cards weren't printed correctly, a new major client suddenly fell through after a toast had already been made, the warehouse software malfunctioned, and the wrong products were shipped at a launch. Oh yeah... and I was sick for another week.
So... now you know what it's like to be an entrepreneur; it's (unfortunately) not all painting and cozy tea drinking. But the balance has been completely off these past few months, you understand. Oh yeah... of course, it's good to mention that I'm not very stress-resistant (that's an understatement, because my PTSD quickly finds everything alarming), so it's hard work for me to stay on my feet during such (unexpected) situations.
Something snapped...
You've probably experienced it too. Sometimes, something can just snap. You're busy, keeping a cool head, working on solutions, and absorbing everything as much as possible with your resilience. But at some point, something snaps. It happened to me too.
It was a Saturday on a patio. I briefly opened my inbox because a package was due to be delivered that afternoon. I saw two emails that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Something had gone terribly wrong with a product launch. And that was it... the last straw. I struggled to catch it, but I immediately felt: this has to stop now.
But how do you stop all the hassle?
Well... not, of course! Because I didn't get a definitive answer about the extent of the "crisis" until Monday afternoon (which wasn't too bad), but when a carrier called on Tuesday saying they couldn't find the warehouse (a completely trivial matter), I burst into tears. I couldn't take it anymore. And I didn't want this anymore.
Acknowledge it
I'm on the "I have to do it, I can do it, I'll do it" team. So admitting to myself that I was out of steam and that I would need time to recharge was a challenge. Saying out loud, "I can't do it right now, I'm exhausted," also felt a bit like failure. But I also knew I had no choice, because if I'd continued, I think I would have reached a point where I wanted to quit completely and do something else. Just... out of despair.
And there was still enough fire in me to realize that this really wasn't what I wanted. And that I wasn't allowed to make any decisions in 'this state' and had to rest for two weeks first. Then I would see what happened.
And now it's getting cozy!
Phew, what a whine this blog is! But it doesn't always have to be cozy, snug, and perfect, does it? This is real, this is real life, and everyone has these kinds of moments and experiences. It's nice to find recognition and share it!
But back to coziness. Because the switch had been flipped, it was time to make a plan to regain resilience.
How do you recharge?
I asked you this! What helps me recharge? I had plans of my own, and Instagram was also full of wonderful ideas, so I just went and enjoyed myself immensely. I visited a museum, baked a cake, went out for dinner, walked, exercised, painted (because that was still enjoyable), painted some walls in the house, cleaned out a closet, sat in my rocking chair, and read a stack of books.
And now you find me here, behind my laptop, typing a blog post. Because with the rest, the distance, a good solution that came my way (more on that later), and the chance to do other things, I'm all fired up again! Oh yeah... not just because of that, of course. Apparently, I hate DIY (painting walls) so much that getting back to work was wonderful, haha!
Cosiness and selfcare it is!
Although I'm looking forward to it again, I hope new situations stay away for a while. I really need to find some more resilience before I can handle that again. So for the time being, I'll focus on cozy living and lots of self-care. How fortunate that my work often deals with that and that painting is so healing for me. Beautiful! If you had told me this two weeks ago, I probably would have reacted cynically. But now I feel it again: "coziness is the way to go!"
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