About resilience

January 3, 2024

It was such a tough year, I almost don't dare think about it anymore. But with the rest we're taking now, there's also the space to look back. Only now do I realize how intense it truly was. What I also see is how strong I am, how resilient I am, and what a "different year" I'm facing. I've learned three things, and I'd like to share them with you!

I broke

You might remember it all, but almost a year and a half ago, we bought a house. A dream home in the making, because it was very outdated and needed a lot of renovations. You might also know that I have PTSD and feel unsafe easily (that's why I paint all kinds of cozy, comfortable, and pleasant things ;-)), and that, combined with renovations, wasn't a good combination. I thought I could handle it all, but living without a home to live in, and instead living on a construction site, wasn't for me. I felt uprooted.

The breaking point came when I was incredibly busy with my rapidly growing business (for which I'm incredibly grateful!!) and I still had a few months of renovations ahead of me. All I could do was cry, and then the panic attacks started. I was shocked by this intense reaction; I hadn't seen it coming! Luckily, there was help, I put a lot of things on the back burner, and I received all the time, space, and understanding from you, for which I am so incredibly grateful! There wasn't a single impatient customer, and no one reacted angrily when I waited weeks (or more than a month) to reply to my Instagram messages. How fantastic is that!

What I want to share

I don't really like looking back, especially not on difficult times (who does?), but now that I think about it, I've learned a lot and I'm happy to share it with you!

Share it when things aren't going well! I never want to disappoint people; there's a bit of a "pleaser" in me ;-). But I've found that it's much easier to share that you're not doing well and then explore together whether you can postpone things or say no, than to keep "giving yourself away." I've never experienced so much understanding as I have this past year, but why is that? Because I shared it!

Plans are meant to be adjusted . I'm pretty strict when it comes to "planning"—once I've thought of something or planned it, it shouldn't change. Sound familiar? Well, plans are meant to be adjusted and changed. It's not pleasant; I often find it takes me a while to get used to the change and the idea, but it can be incredibly helpful.

You're stronger than you think. Okay, I admit, things were really bad for me, and it was also quite exciting and scary. But looking back, I also see how resilient I am. Especially when things get so bad! I sought professional help (and thankfully found it!), contacted the care providers in time, and thus prevented my condition from worsening. I did that myself, which turned the tide, and now I'm doing just fine again.

Another year

And now it's January. No major renovations this year (but still a lot of chores, haha). No commissioned work for now, just painting and creating whatever I feel like. I've got an accountant starting this year (wonderful!), everything in the warehouse is running smoothly after some initial hiccups last year, and I'm brimming with inspiration. Life can change so much in a year!