A new year: I start with a problem

December 28, 2024

Wonderful! A new year is just around the corner. Looking back isn't really my thing, but I love starting the new year fresh. But I'll start with a problem...

Good feelings

And yet, that doesn't outweigh the good feelings. A whole new year to create new paintings, to develop myself. Both creatively and as an entrepreneur (and the latter is necessary, because I've been a bit stuck these past few months; more on that later).

But also a whole new year to live "slow," to go on hikes, to enjoy traditions, reading books, and the seasons. Things I cherish.

I am a firefighter

Now that I'm writing this, I know exactly what I need to focus on. I've known for a few weeks, but I had to accept it myself. I have a problem. I'm not very good at structure and planning. And sometimes, I am. Do you still get it?

I can work incredibly productively, focused, and structured. I check my email on Mondays and Thursdays, and on Mondays I schedule the things that "have to be done" for the rest of the week, and that works perfectly fine. And yet, I keep getting stuck at the same point. I keep losing track of things, and (since my business has grown so much) I feel like a firefighter putting out fires to regain my composure. I run from one fire to the next. I always know exactly what's most important to do, the priorities. But if you only ever do the bare minimum and never build a solid foundation, it starts to feel a bit tiresome after a while.

Guilty pleasure

In a way, I love it, feeling a bit like I'm living life to the fullest. Being fully engaged, getting things done. It's my guilty pleasure, I'm afraid. And on the other hand, it's exhausting. I also have a kind of fear of unleashing my inner firefighter. As long as I keep busy, I'm fine, but when things calm down a bit, I get flustered and lose my way. Not nice.

Is it a miracle that anything still works?

I have to laugh a little now, because now that I write it down, it almost seems like a miracle I run a business at all. It's not that bad, really; it's just growing pains. As you grow, things start to chafe and you need a different, or bigger, outfit. But because of this growth, I'm also being exposed for my "firefighter" attitude. That was going great, until that mindset no longer suited the size of my business.

Back to that new year

Change is coming. Becoming aware of something is the biggest step. I'd been feeling a bit unwell for a few months, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I blamed it on being so busy. It wasn't until the last week, when I took a break, that it finally clicked. So, it was time for a change.

Will I still be a firefighter by the end of 2025, or would I describe my role within my company differently? I've already arranged for help; Yvette will be monitoring my progress for five months and examining the company's structures. It's incredibly scary, but I think it's a good start!

And what about your art?

Well... that's the goal, of course! I really enjoy being an entrepreneur, but I prefer painting. My goal is and remains: "to be able to make a living from my free work." I'm incredibly excited to paint; I have 100 ideas and things I want to try and make. Each one cozier than the last. I want to enjoy my creative development and immerse myself in inspiration (which there is plenty of).