I'm better, aren't I?

July 18, 2024

I'm better, aren't I?

My life has changed a lot. This crossed my mind while I was working on a new blog post. It only seems to have sunk in now just how much my life has changed. It's sometimes confusing: does it mean I'm "better," or that I've adapted my life to cope? I always firmly believe the former. Is it true?

Change is scary

Yes, of course! Change is exciting for almost everyone. It often comes with uncertainty, learning, and of course, positive excitement (because it's also fun!). I still remember vividly when I decided to open an Etsy shop and my first order arrived. I lay awake all night, stressed out! "What if it doesn't arrive, what if they hate it, what if..."

I always enjoy looking back on this event, because it clearly shows me where I came from. I now have my own webshop with thousands of orders a year, and I've built a team of professionals around me. Crazy, isn't it? And all of that in just a few years (about four).

But there is much more change

Personally, a lot has changed too. The biggest change is that we've moved. A place we hope to stay for decades! I've never experienced this before; it's always been "temporary" in my life. Is that perhaps the biggest change?

But there's more! It never ends, haha! I've changed. I know myself better, I'm true to myself, and I guard my boundaries like a lioness. I can let things go more easily. I'm growing in stability, and when that stability isn't there (last year I casually developed a panic disorder due to renovations), I seek the right help so I can recover!

Hard work

So, now you have an idea of all the changes. Quite a long list, isn't it? Looking back, they're all changes I worked incredibly hard for. I always had only one thing in mind:

How do I make life fit me?

Because you have a lot of influence! I was (and sometimes still am) someone who quickly shouts: "It has to be done," "There's no other way," "I have no choice." And of course, sometimes you don't have a choice, but I've learned that you have more influence than you often realize. For example, I didn't have a choice to stop the renovation (while the house was completely open, there was no way back), but I did have the choice to make it as easy as possible for myself. What can help me? What do I have control over?

I had no choice when I received a handful of diagnoses and felt very ill. But I do have the choice to figure out how best to deal with them and to organize my life in a way that's good for my health.

Am I better?

Every few months it happens to me again: I truly believe I'm better. No PTSD, no chronic fatigue, no brain injury—I can do almost everything "normal people" can, right?! My husband knows the drill by now and patiently sums up how much of an adjusted life I'm living. And when something unexpected happens that I find difficult and it bothers me again, I realize it again: he's right...

Is that bad?

Honestly? I always feel a bit sad when I realize my health isn't changing as much as I'd like. But I also realize now that it means I've created a life where I feel completely at home. I no longer feel like an outsider in society; I contribute in my own way, and that's perhaps the biggest difference. I bring coziness, slow living, gentleness, and mental health closer to people. I can touch people with my own art because it still helps me. I'm no longer on benefits (thanks so much to you!), and that makes me proud. I have a purpose in life, and besides spreading coziness and gentleness, I'm very happy with my permanent place (a home!) and our family (well, my husband and two dogs, is that a family?).

Change is vital

Yes, change is important. Change is exciting. Change sometimes goes wrong (I could write a blog post about that too ;-)). But ultimately, we have to keep changing until we've found what's best for ourselves. That's vital to me! And yes... it can be exciting sometimes!

More change

Absolutely! Because there are now new cards and prints in the shop. But you'll also find support during change, or of course, a lovely notebook to write in!