Instructions for a Grumpy Day

I'm having a grumpy day, you probably know what that's like. Everything feels heavy and challenging. My body feels injured and the world has gone mad and last but not least proof print came back ruined. Oh no there's more... This morning I arrived half an hour early for physio, and I just spent ages scrubbing mud stains off my trousers.

Yesterday, I finally started a book about complex PTSD; for years, I hadn't wanted to read it because I was afraid it would be too confronting. And it's good to read, but I was right, it's very confronting. Of course, I know that underneath my initial grumpiness starting this book certainly plays a role in how I feel today. But still, sometimes it's just a very grumpyday!

And that's okay!

Everyone has days like this. We just don't like to talk about them. Often, a bunch of silly things go wrong, and shame sometimes plays a role (for example, yesterday I accidentally knocked a paint tube cap down the stairs, and now there are huge blue stains on the wall... sigh). Accepting that you're having a grumpy day is the first step in the manual. The acknowledgment often brings enormous relief. Instead of dissapearing even further into a grumpy spiral, yesterday Edwin and I could laugh about the blue stains because I theatrically exclaimed: 'that's just what I needed!'

Shrinking

What helps me on a true grumpy day is to shrink my world. To let go of all the big things as much as possible and calm my nervous system with small things.

So, I picked up a book I've read before and that's just very relaxing (The Wizard of Oz), a brief escape into another world! I went into the garden, looked at the plants, and found a beautiful empty snail shell. I started sketching the snail shell, which forced me to slow down and observe instead of think.

In your bubble

A grumpy day just happens, things go wrong, the world is simply insane. We can't change that. But what we can do is protect ourselves with a bubble. It doesn't always have to be there, but it's nice if you can sometimes pull it around you. A bubble where things are small. A bubble where you can take a breather.

I notice that when I retreat into my bubble, I suddenly start noticing the small things again. I enjoy the daffodils in the garden, the sun shining cheerfully indoors, and the Easter branch looking lovely with its vintage wooden eggs. I give my bubble some more time and space, and then I notice that my dark grumpy day feels a little less dark. It feels lighter and airier.

Nothing changes about the pain I have, the failed proof print, or the blue paint stains on the wall. And that's actually beautiful. Sometimes we don't need to change or fix anything. Sometimes, just shrinking and retreating into your bubble is enough to get you through a grumpy day!

photo: Merette Kuijt