Coping with tension

If I'd been as stressed as I am now a few years ago, I probably would have completely collapsed and perhaps even gotten sick. I thought about this this morning as I lay in bed, worrying about the busyness and hassle surrounding the move of my online store. So, I'm doing something different than I did a while back, but what? And what helps me cope with my stress?

Such a bad feeling

I find tension in my body a really awful feeling. All the alarm bells are ringing, muscles are tensing, and emotions are all over the place. Yuck. But it's certainly very useful; it's a sign that something needs attention. But sometimes you know exactly what's going on, like this time with me. For me, it means I have to wait a few days, and then many different people have to intervene to make a webshop switch. Not interesting for you at all; I'd skip it anyway, but I always get questions if I keep it vague or don't mention it. Haha. This doesn't sound like a big deal to most people, but I'm not at all stress-resistant, and unfortunately, I've experienced so much in the past few years with webshop technology that I automatically get stressed out when it comes to something like this... yuck!

So, I just have to wait a few days, and the tension will definitely be there. But how do I get through those days? How do I make sure I don't collapse or just walk around the house crying? I've found my tricks in this.

Distraction

Lying in bed worrying doesn't work, of course. Distraction to the rescue! This morning, Edwin took me for a walk. My mind was racing, so I said, "Find a nice walk." And, unaware as I was, we started. After a while, I'd had enough and asked, "How far are we?" You can sense it coming, right? It turned out to be a 9km walk, and we weren't even halfway there.

Instinctively, I wanted to get angry (which I unfortunately do sometimes), but of course, that's pointless. So, I kept going! And instead of my mind still dwelling on the "I'm so busy and it's so exciting," that shifted. I focused on the moment, the walk. The result: my body released tension, my mind calmed down (and I was exhausted, of course ;-)).

Softness

If I just keep going and ignore the tension, accidents happen. Usually not literally (though that's happened plenty of times, oops), but sometimes I get angry, argue, cry, or have panic attacks. I really don't want that, and I'm secretly proud that it rarely happens anymore. It does require a lot of work in "gentleness." By acknowledging that I'm tense, sharing it, being mindful of it, and taking extra good care of myself, I prevent all these situations. But the funny thing is: it also reduces the tension. So this afternoon I got extra sleep, I asked for help with household chores, I regularly tell people how I'm feeling and share that (it's a tough one!), and I make sure I get enough exercise. That last part sounds so silly to me, it's a bit of a cliché. But in my case, that whole state of tension is the result of a lot of laptop work, and exercise helps me manage overstimulation. Besides, being gentle is about noticing how you feel, and therefore also how your body feels. It's a way to reconnect with your feelings through your body.

This too shall pass..

The last thing that really helps me is knowing that this is temporary. I often think about how happy I'll be that I've done this soon and that I won't have to go into peak season with a shaky website (I was dreading that). Focusing on the result, then. But what also helps is remembering that this too will pass. I happened to receive this quote in a message from planner expert Renske (with whom I created the 'Celebrate the Seasons Planners'), and it's one I use often myself. When you're in the middle of something, it seems like an endless state and truly awful, but a few weeks after it's 'finished,' you can see that it was temporary. I've been through so much in my life now (and some things don't pass, of course) that it's becoming increasingly easier to fall back on that. Renovating (which I couldn't handle at all): passed. A difficult mental health treatment: passed. A clash with someone: passed. Changing webshop systems: passed!

Best tip?

If you ask me which of these three tips is the most important and works best, it's focusing on gentleness. It's the easiest one to forget. One of my (other) favorite sayings hangs on the wall in my doctor's waiting room: "Listen to your body's whispers." And that's exactly what gentleness requires: you're allowed to listen. You're allowed to take your tension seriously (even if you feel, like me, that it's unnecessary and stupid to worry so much). And then you can be gentle.

Love,

Esther