Drinking tea - confrontational and healing

I have just gotten comfy on the sofa under my warm blanket. On my left there's a cup of tea and on my right a side table with a candle and a piece of chocolate. I sigh, deeply, because I finally have time to relax. You must know that feeling when life keeps throwing this and that at you and you just have to keep going? Weeks like that are fun because they're very productive. But they're also exhausting. That's why it's so important to take a step best and rest. So I take a breath and a big drink of my cosy winter tea.

I'm able to create space for the relaxation that follows. And suddenly I can feel how tired and overstimulated I am. But I can also feel how much I needed to have a sit down. I also notice how restless I am. My thoughts jump around and the endless to do list in my mind keeps grabbing my attention. I kindly say to myself: you really don't have to do anything right now. Take time.

For a long, long time I wasn't able to function because my nervous system was so overwhelmed. Every little thing felt so very heavy and I couldn't handle light sound of movement. That was a terrifying time in my life. So terrifying that it's still quite a difficult task to create pockets of calm. Why? Well the first thing that I feel is that I'm (chronically) exhausted. That I'm overstimulated and those are two feelings that I don't enjoy being confronted with. This is part of my story, but I also know how many other people have a hard time to create calm moments and feel whatever there is to feel. The feelings that are lined up to be felt are often not fun feelings. They're hard to deal with and they can jump up on you when you take a rest. And that makes it very seductive to just keep on going and to never ever stop and rest. But I don't want to return to the time when my nervous system was overwhelmed. Or to a burn out or to massive anxiety attacks I've felt in the past. And so I choose peace and quiet.

Once I've passed that first obstacle of seeing and hearing everything that's at the forefront of my mind other thoughts and feelings can also start to take up space. Inspiration for my illustrations often appears in moments of quiet for example. And those bouts of inspiration bring so much joy! But wishes and fun and needs also come to light. I enjoy listening to them because they often bring me interesting things. It often feels like I'm riding around in a helicopter and looking down upon my life. I'm not in the middle of a field trying to pull up weeds left, right and centre. But I rise above the field and take a look at myself from a distance. And what I see after I've noticed the fear and unease that first catches my eye a lot of space is created. Space to move in a new direction, to create new things or to make decisions.

I've nearly finished my cup of tea and I decide that I want to take an 'out of the box' look at all of this. Sometimes it can be handy to look at a situation in a completely different way. I grab my 'messages from the woods' cards (which are sadly only available in Dutch at the moment). Shuffle the deck and when 1 card grabs my attention I take a look. A kind looking bat is staring at me. Not exactly what I was looking for because I always hope for a cute, fluffy animal. I open the accompanying booklet and start to read. I read about that things are different than we think they are. The the bat is a master of change. That they create peace and magic in the darkest of hours. When I take a moment to think about it this card is a perfect fit for this moment. I have to get used to the changes that are happening. But I am allowed to trust that I can be flexible and adaptable enough to change. It doesn't take a lot to rattle me and make me think that everything that can go wrong will go wrong and at the moment I am very insecure about what I'm creating. But maybe the bat can show me that there is a different way of looking at things as well. Last of all I think about the dark nights during which bats thrive. The evenings are peaceful and dark at the moment and I love using them to recharge. To close the doors on what is happening outside of my cosy spot on the sofa and to create magic. I want to cherish these evenings and how they help me make magic.

Right, it's time to get back to work. I do actually need to do some weeding. Literally and figuratively. But creating moments like this is something I want to recommend to you today. Give it a try!