The bear in the room
9.5 years ago, I became ill. After a few years of fussing and figuring it out, it became clear what was wrong AND... that I had to learn to live with it. It felt like there was a huge bear in the middle of the room that I couldn't ignore. A bear that I hated but that I would have to become friends with (whether I wanted to or not).
Imagine it, you walk into your room and it is filled by a huge (yes, much bigger than is naturally possible!) growling, angry brown bear. You want to get past it, you want to get on with your life. You want the bear to go away and never come back! I got you!
But that bear will only get bigger and more hysterical from your attempts to get rid of him. So there's nothing left to do but take a good look at him, sit down with him and figure out how to get along. Because, like it or not, that bear is here and you will have to make the best of it!
A metaphor, of course
Do you recognise it yet? Because we all do this. When something doesn't go the way we want, or when anxiety rears its head. We want to get rid of it, it has to go. We go into resistance. And from that it gets worse. Whether it's anger, fear, feeling uncomfortable, processing bad news or insecurity. It's a very natural reaction, 'what harms us has to go'. Nice primitive reaction of the 'primal brain' (and thankfully we have these reactions, as they are useful!).
My bear roars again
Yup, my bear screams and roars and blows himself up. weaning off my medication hasn't gone well, a (very long) renovation and missing out on a cosy house (because renovating) have caused my anxieties to be back, panic attacks, dissociating, a lot of being confused... it's all there again at once. And I don't want it.
But I will now also have to learn to accept again that my bear is here. That I have to adjust my life a bit now that there is suddenly a big(er) bear walking around in it. I will have to be lenient, not blame myself for all this. I will have to become friends again. And I know I can! And so can you!
Need some comfort?
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What a beautiful metaphor, nice that you are being so vulnerable, it takes courage to do that and it helps others to be open about it too.
As I scrolled down to comment, I saw the print bear walk by: what I see is a loving togetherness with your bear(s), and walking your path together. I will succeed, and I hope everyone who needs it and reads your blog.
All love to everyone reading this 🙂
Hey Joyce, thanks for your lovely message, how sweet! That bear walk illustration came about for a reason, I love looking at it myself during these times as a reminder! Lots of love to you!
I recognise everything, my illness at the moment is more intense than usual and I am incredibly tired. Much love from me
Huge hug from me!
Recognisable and even if I know the bear will lay down more quickly when I welcome it, I still often start making noise first and then a bear fight. It's okay bear, you belong. Good luck to everyone's bears ♡
Hey Hanneke, yes exactly! That fighting, I do that too! It takes a while before I can resign myself to it ;-). Is of course also a very helpful character trait in other situations, that fighting. We (probably you too) are good at solving and dealing with problems, changing things when things are not going well and solving things for others. But yes... we can't always 'solve away' that bear, so I practice in acceptance this time. Will you join me?
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I, along with many other people, also suffer from similar issues that aren't always easily controlled by medication even if you find one that works. I wish you the best. Acceptance is really hard.
Hi Paula, thank you so much for your kind message. Acceptance is hard, but we can do it! I'm sure of that! Big hug from me!
I find it very clever how open you are about this. An example and support for many including myself. Wishing you much wisdom, strength and cosyness 😘
Hey Joke, how sweet! Big hug for you!
Thanks so much for sharing. Sending love and greetings. You're not alone.
Thanks for sharing, very brave! I wish you peace and calm and being able to deal with the bear in your life!
How nice that you are making yourself so vulnerable. We can learn a lot from that. It doesn't always have to be all good. Your cards make me very happy. They radiate so much warmth. I wish you all the best.
I wish you all the best too and thanks for your sweet message!