And suddenly I broke down...
If you have been following me for a while, you know that in addition to being an illustrator, I am also chronically ill. I am very limited in energy and therefore can only "work" for about 3 hours a day. Where I started my etsy store three years ago and was happy with 10 orders a week, it has grown tremendously over the past few years. Super fun and I wouldn't want it any other way, but it was time for adjustments. To be honest, I broke down...
All I was doing was packing orders and getting nothing else done. I was constantly overtired and didn't get around to painting at all! And then a moment comes when you break. Somehow I saw it coming for some time, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. I was proud of what I had accomplished and didn't want to admit that I had gotten myself into a mess. Because that's how it felt to me.
Then came that day when all I could do was cry. I was walking outside with the dogs and suddenly didn't know how to get home, like a small miracle Edwin ran to meet me and caught me. But this was the moment to acknowledge that things couldn't go on. Things had to change.
Once I had expressed and acknowledged this, I could finally get back to my basis. Thinking about how I really wanted to live. Health first, having fun in what I do and space to embrace "slow living" again. Because the latter did me and my health so much good, I wanted to go back to that! Days when I went for walks, sketching, painting and were I could spontaneously do something other than just pack orders, recover, sleep.
Time to start looking for solutions. I mainly wanted to create again, paint, develop products and work on commission as little as possible (unless I really like it, of course, but I usually prefer my own work). The thing that was hardest on me in terms of energy was packing orders. So time to find a solution for that.
Finally it worked out. Last week I moved my stock to a very nice, small family business started by two brothers in their 20s. They will be packing orders for me (and therefore for you!). Did I have to cross a threshold with this? Definitely! Because it's less cosy, less 'small' and that's why I didn't want it for so long (I was fiercely against it, haha), also the fear that people wouldn't order from me anymore if they saw that I don't pack it myself anymore (on that, people around me advised me to keep it a secret, but that doesn't suit me, that's just not me). But after that afternoon when I walked down the street crying, it became clear to me that I had to do something else. And say it yourself: this is a better idea than quitting the webshop altogether, right?
So last weeks were intense, very intense. I can also feel that I need to recover for a while. But in the sense of drawing, cuddling with the dogs, walking, messing around in the garden and living 'slow'. Maybe also taking time for processing (that's why I felt the need to write this blog I guess). When I've recovered a bit I'm going to make up something fun (Subscribe for the newsletter if you want to be kept up to date!) for you, because you as a follower/customer/supporter you have of course also noticed this and I am super grateful that you are still here, we will celebrate that! To be continued shall we say and good to know: you can order as usual again!
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I think a very good decision. Because you made beautiful things when you are comfortable in your own skin. Even though that is obviously not feasible every day. But becoming aware of your limits is sometimes frustrating but also very good. That way, we can all still enjoy your beautiful creations and you can get back to basics. Slow living and creativity. And now a cup of tea, a nice book or some painting. It is allowed.
Aaaaah Lis, so sweet! That is indeed what I have been doing lately and the nice thing is: much more beautiful drawings are coming out of my hands all of a sudden! Love!
Dear Esther,
What an incredibly good decision of yours to delegate the whole packing thing. It seems like a tough one too, but it says so much about your love for your webshop and about making the right and healthy choices. Glad you're going to have more time now to do the things that come with your passion. I think it's all so clever how you do your work. You have already come so far. It is my dream to do the same one day. And I've seen with you that it can be done, even if you're low on energy. That gives me hope!
Good luck!
Yaaaaa Jasmine! So you can do it this way too, I didn't even know it existed, but it really is the invention for people who don't have super much energy or are otherwise limited. Small steps and start small then hopefully it will work out, my fingers are crossed for you and you know where to find me if you need help!
Dear Esther, how good that you were able to make this choice. I hope you will get fun and much satisfaction out of it again, good luck.
How sweet Mirjam and by now things are indeed much better!
I'm so glad and happy for you that you could take such an important step and get help where you need it! when watching your stories it always seemed like an immense workload (and constantly getting more) for just one person, especially with PTSD thrown into the mix. it's so good to hear you can prioritise your health and well-being again 💛
and it doesn't make your business any different or less cozy and personal just because you don't do every single step yourself. when so many people order it can't stay the "small" small business it started out as - it grew and that's beautiful because you get to reach so many more people with your cozy and beautiful art. i'm sending you much love, strength and warm thoughts for a good recovery! and I'm of course looking forward to seeing your stories about slow living, hiking and playing with the dogs as well as your illustrations 🙂
Hi Claudia, we are a few weeks further now and what you're telling me is so true. It was an immense workload, but if you're in the middle of it you just don't think and DO. But I'm so so so so glad I took this step. Thank you for your message, it made me smile! And a big hug back for you!
I am so glad that you've made this choice! In fact, I think it's wonderful that your small business is now also supporting another small business! That is cozy and local and lovely in another way too, and everyone is just as happy or happier, especially you! Thank you for being honest and sharing your story and your art with us!
Thank you so much! And I didn't look at it this way, thank you!
I read your blog and I understand you completely. Sometimes I am so busy with client contacts, which I love too, but so much energy goes into that that there is no time and space left in my head to create. Finding a balance is quite difficult and you have found it, so you are doing really well! So "you go girl" because you really make the world a more beautiful place with your beautiful works.
Yes that balance is super tricky, but it's more than worth it to go for it! What a sweet note too! Thanx
When I saw the closed webshop and then the changed content, I already suspected something was up. I think it is a very brave and beautiful decision that by actually letting go of something, you are actually taking matters back into your own hands. You are for me a very nice example of what I dream of being able to do one day too. Even with 'limited time'❤️