A few misses

The webshop and everything around it are at their peak. I am extremely happy with it, but it is always a challenge how I am going to get it all done without getting ahead of myself. You probably know the feeling! How do I make sure my body doesn't go into overdrive and that I can keep busy from a position of calmness? That I don't trigger a fight, flight or freeze response, but can be 'comfortably' busy from relaxation? I have struggled and learned a lot over the past few years. Here are the top .... . of things I missed and that don't work. 

-Thinking things should be different, because then they become better/easier. The worst tip ever for when you are already busy. Something new takes a lot of time, is always accompanied by 'teething problems', clutter and/or stress. Better to leave things as they are and plan changes ahead for a quieter period. 

-Getting to work an hour earlier. A very bad idea, because working more hours is not the solution for me, it can be done occasionally, but not for months on end. 

-Thinking you need help and then spending a lot of energy and 'mindspace' researching how you would like to fill that in.

I'm sure you have some additions to this list too? Right? Now that I write them down here, I also think it's all so stupid, but this is what your brain does. You look for solutions, space, rest, because your body gives a lot of signals that you are too busy. 

On a different tack

Dit jaar, na mijn ‘verbouwings-burnout’ van vorig jaar; lijkt, na een leven lang worstelen met ’te hard gaan’, het kwartje te zijn gevallen. Ik doe het helemaal anders. Een paar voorbeelden:

-I put painting (free work) as high on the weekly to-do list as anything else (I used to let it slip when I was busy).

-I plan more self-care moments and rest when I am busier

-I keep my head cool(er). I could get stressed rather quickly about things going wrong or unexpected events. 

In your case, what else could be included? 

The core

The core of this change is deep. It is two things. First, I have become much more assertive. I am by nature quite a pleaser and want to do it all right (preferably also perfect in some way ;-)). In doing so, you set the bar very high for yourself. Exhaustingly high sometimes. Over the years, I have learned that almost nothing is worth losing my health over. Not a full mailbox, not taking on too much work (however fun) or setting myself too high standards. 

So I have also learned to say 'no', to set boundaries, without feeling bad about it. I think about what I want, what energises me, what helps me and focus on that. 

The second thing that helps is a bit intertwined with the first point 'being assertive', but for me it is very clear that I want to live quietly. I live from my core values. I have been through so much in my life, felt so incredibly bad so many times, that (if I can avoid it myself) I don't want to do that again. That drive is huge and, like a stick, makes me make other choices. That I will still go for a morning walk in this beautiful autumn instead of ordering new cards. I know so incredibly well how I want to live: slow, at my own pace, enjoying the seasons, connecting with the people who are important to me, and expressing myself through painting and spreading cosiness in the world.

Always sounds so abstract such a list of 'core values', yet it helps me, along with the stick of that 'I know how things can go wrong', to make different choices. 

Does it always go well now?

Yes of course! Haha, no, unfortunately. You don't have to. I am still regularly overwhelmed. Or have to sit down for a while to write down everything that haunts my mind. But it's very different from 'before'. I notice it, make adjustments (rest) and move on. This feels quite a vulnerable piece. I always feel like I'm the only one struggling with this. Hopefully you got something out of this piece or recognise things? You can always let me know below in the comments, who knows, we might help each other! 

ps. Another thing that really helps me a lot is the planner! Having a box for self-care every day is really such a nice reminder!