Struggling with insecurity, almost everyone knows it. But what is it like when you go public with your work as an illustrator? With your illustrations you made as a way of therapy? What is it like to run a business with that? Sometimes it makes me incredibly insecure in any case.
It has now been about six years since I made my instagram public. There was nothing on it at all, pictures of Bram (the dog), books I was reading and very occasionally a small drawing appeared. I found it incredibly frightening, but at the same time I knew that my 'ultra hermit existence' was no longer enough for me.
One thing led to another and now here I am. I now run a business with my art, I can be found in many places and I am quite 'public'. Well, myself not necessarily, but my personal (often therapeutic) illustrations are! And what's that like?
Yes, that! Terrifying and fantastic! It's nice to see that I can make a living from what I make. My greatest pride, though, is that I don't have to do commissioned work and only make what I feel the need for myself. A bit of an autonomous artist style life. And how wonderful it is to hear that I help people with my art, spreading cosiness, safety and warmth! But at the same time, it sometimes feels vulnerable.
I deal with customers, followers and shops, and everyone has an opinion. Totally fine of course, but it's hard work to stay comfortable in your skin in the process.
I struggle with it quite a bit at times. Insecurity strikes every now and then. Then I let myself be seduced into thinking about other people's opinions. Afraid that people won't like what I make, will go out of fashion, be bad or ugly.
That's pretty much the recipe for an 'art block'. Fortunately, I'm reclusive and homebody enough to shut out the outside world quite easily again and comfort myself by making an illustration that is helpful to me. End of this blog would you say?
Yet, of course, that feeling is often there. I think it is also normal and part of it. Even in 'normal' life, everyone is sometimes insecure, including me (quite a lot). But I do notice that I am constantly searching. Searching for ways that work for me. For instance, I really enjoy blogging, but I let discussions on social media pass. I do e-mail twice a week, so it doesn't get 'too near' and I stay in balance. And I like making stories on intagram, but mainly for fun!
Open and exposed, for sure! Would I want it any other way? No! It also totally suits me to want to contribute something. In my case, I find sharing my personal stories, being open about health (especially mentally too) and the help I find being creative and of course cosiness very rewarding. But sometimes I feel a bit exposed and that's okay!
What helps against my insecurity? Cosiness, of course! Making it cosy, enjoying the little things, slowing down and feeling safe. Maybe that is the reason why I still manage to bring insecurity to the background every time. Because (by now) with my business I am always busy with cosiness, it forces me to live and think very cosy myself!
Could you also use some cosiness and confidence?
Illustrator under a blankie - Esther Bennink
Parallel road 10
7213VT Gorssel, Netherlands
Chamber of Commerce: 80271480
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