Change is scary

Yes of course! For almost everyone, change is exciting. It is often accompanied by uncertainty, learning and, of course, positive excitement (because: fun too!). I remember well when I had thought of opening an etsy shop and my first order came in. I lay awake all night with stress! 'What if it doesn't arrive, what if they think it's ugly, what if....'. 

I always enjoy looking back at this event, because it shows me so clearly where I am coming from. I now have my own webshop with thousands of orders a year, and have gathered a team of professionals around me. Bizarre, right? And all that in just a few years (about 4 years). 

But there is much more change

Persoonlijk is er ook veel veranderd. De grootste verandering is dat we verhuisd zijn. Een plek waar we tientallen jaren hopen te blijven! Dit heb ik nog niet eerder meegemaakt, het was altijd ’tijdelijk’ in mijn leven. Is dat misschien de grootste verandering? 

But there's more! It doesn't stop there, haha! I have changed myself. I know myself better, I am true to myself and guard my boundaries like a lioness. I can let go of things more and more easily. I am growing in stability and when that stability is not there for once (just last year I developed panic disorder due to renovation), I find the right help so that I recover! 

Working hard

So, now you have an idea of all the changes. Quite a long list, isn't it? Looking back, they are all changes I worked very hard for. I always had only one thing in mind: 

'How do I make life fit for me' 

Because you have a lot of influence! I was (sometimes still am) someone who is quick to shout: 'it has to be done', 'there is no other way', 'I have no choice'. And of course sometimes you have no choice, but I have learned that you have more influence than you often think. For instance, I had no choice to stop the renovation (while the house was completely open, there was no way back), but I did have the choice to make it as easy as possible for myself. What can help me? What do I have a say in? 

I had no choice when I had a handful of diagnoses and felt very ill. But I do have the choice to see how best to cope and organise my life in a way that is good for my health. 

Am I better?

Every few months it happens to me again: I truly believe I am better. No PTSD, no chronic fatigue, no brain damage, surely I can do almost everything 'normal people' can! My husband knows the drill by now and patiently sums up how much of an adjusted life I lead. And then, when something unexpected occurs that I find difficult and becomes troublesome again for a while, I realise it again: he is right.....

Is that bad? 

Honestly? I always feel a little sad when I find out that things don't change as much in terms of my health as I would like after all. But I also realise now that it means I have created a life where I feel like a fish out of water. I no longer feel like an outsider in society, I contribute my way and that is perhaps the biggest difference. I bring cosiness, slow living, softness and mental health closer to people. I get to touch people with my art that I make myself because it still helps me. I no longer have benefits (with many thanks to you!) and that makes me proud. I have a purpose in life and besides spreading cosiness and softness, I am very happy with my permanent place (a home!) and our family (well, husband and two dogs, is that a family?). 

Change is vital

Yes, change is important. Change is exciting. Change sometimes goes wrong (I could write a blog about that too ;-)). But in the end, we have to keep changing until we find the best for ourselves. That is vital as far as I am concerned! And yes... that is sometimes exciting! 

More change

Yes indeed! Because now there are also new cards and prints in the shop. But you will also find a helping hand for change, or of course a lovely notebook to get rid of it all!