FAQ: why don't you paint boys?

Back in time...

It has now been over 11 years since I fell ill. I always call it that, but to this day it is not entirely clear what I had. In any case, I couldn't do anything anymore; I was so tired that even walking a few metres to the toilet was a huge task. There appeared to be a lot going on with me and after a few months I found myself in a room full of cans of paint, brushes, craft materials, clay and pencils. I already felt like a fish out of water in that space, but I also found it all terrifying. Until my therapist gave me a box of water colours, it was small, gave no mess... I dared. 

Never stopped

So I got creative therapy; I had already discovered in the months preceding this that I did enjoy being creative. I had even taken out my old 'children's colouring pencils' that I had kept. But in this therapy I learned to express myself in a different way. I could comfort myself with cosy, safe, warm little drawings. Sometimes I drew myself in a tent of rugs, or hidden in a blanket. Almost always with unofficial assistance dog Bram. And I never stopped. 

But I have a son and he would like .... so much, can you make that with a boy? 

I think you can kind of see the answer coming by now? So I still draw as therapy. By now I know I have PTSD (among other things), I often feel anxious and I can't process many stimuli. The world is too intense for me. What helps me is to do what I did 11 years ago: paint what helps me. Comfort me, cheer me up, let me relax. Giving myself what I need. 

But you run a business?

Yes definitely! And that really is a dream come true! But that doesn't mean I only have to think about 'what the customer wants'. Admittedly, it would be much more convenient from a business point of view if I did that a bit more, but I promised myself that I want to live on my terms. 

One of those conditions is that I am free to make what I want and what I need, so that I stay healthy. Because it is still therapy. Of course, quite a few projects have come in between, but always with the aim that I would really like to hold the final product in my hands and find it very helpful. For instance, I wanted to live more with the seasons and so I made a planner that focuses on exactly that. I felt quite anxious for a while, so I made a card deck 'trust' and I still find puzzling fun and relaxing! 

Not very professional?

Well, maybe my approach is not professional no, but I know by now that in this world there is a great need for authenticity, warmth, safety and thus cosiness! I also regularly receive e-mails with sweet reactions and stories about how helpful my art is. Fantastic right? I may not be very professional, but I do believe I bring something into the world that many more people need, so let's keep spreading it together!