More cosiness through structure?

Love-hate relationship

I need structure, but I also hate it. I like predictability and it also bores me quickly. I want to be free and tailor my day according to how I feel, but I also want to earn an income from my little paintings. Clearly a love-hate relationship with structure, right?

As a child, I was afraid of structure, afraid that there would be too much space in predictability to feel (it was a difficult childhood), afraid of boredom (=space to feel). But I was also a child who needed structure and was anxious about really everything (that went differently than usual). And only now, a few weeks after I realised I couldn't go on like this, do I see this pattern.

Test 1,2,3

So time to put it to the test. After all, I don't have to be afraid of feeling, I don't shy away from any feeling these days (proud of it!). So I don't have to fear structure anymore either.

Now I have been working for about 3 weeks with much more structure. I structure, I subdivide everything into projects and plan my days. I keep an hour free on Fridays to review and plan. I no longer forget appointments and even my husband notices a difference in household planning and things. But above all: it is much calmer in my head!

More cosiness

And that's not all, I notice much more difference. I can let go of things more easily, leaving more room to crawl into my cosy bubble and recover and rest properly. More cosiness, more 'slow living', because I structure: YAY!

But also my creativity gets more space. That's what I am planning for now! I notice that I get enormous satisfaction and pleasure from painting, but also that my head overflows with inspiration. Also, the threshold to paint is getting smaller. Before, I had so little time that everything I would start on really had to be exactly what I wanted to make, I had to be sure. Now it's more: okay fun, interesting, let's try it!

Persevere?

Ai ai ai, persistence. This is something I find very difficult. Because, looking back now in my life, I've had this a lot of times. And every time I struggle, feel overwhelmed, or suffer a setback in my anxiety disorder, I let go of all structure. I don't oversee it anymore, abandon planning and end up in a downward spiral. Maybe you recognise it? Oh yes, this is also reflected in the house by the way! My husband usually knows how I am doing by the 'clutter status' of our house, haha.

But each time you learn more. Next time, I might recognise the downward spiral faster and be able to ask for help sooner to get back on track, or motivate myself because I remember that more structure has such a good effect now. Or I'll read this blog again!

Creative curiosity

For now, at least, I am very happy and enjoying being creative. Because I have planned that too: every Friday is my creative day. This year I want to further develop myself creatively, so that is also part of my planning and may I consider important! I am curious what this year will bring me, but 1 thing is certain: painting is my passion

Ps. What do you think of this year's first 3 new illustrations?