Change is scary

Yes of course! For almost everyone, change is exciting. It is often accompanied by uncertainty, learning and, of course, positive excitement (because: fun too!). I remember well when I had thought of opening an etsy shop and my first order came in. I lay awake all night with stress! 'What if it doesn't arrive, what if they think it's ugly, what if....'. 

I always enjoy looking back at this event, because it shows me so clearly where I am coming from. I now have my own webshop with thousands of orders a year, and have gathered a team of professionals around me. Bizarre, right? And all that in just a few years (about 4 years). 

But there is much more change

Personally, a lot has changed too. The biggest change is that we have moved. A place where we hope to stay for decades! I haven't experienced this before, it was always 'temporary' in my life. Is that perhaps the biggest change? 

But there's more! It doesn't stop there, haha! I have changed myself. I know myself better, I am true to myself and guard my boundaries like a lioness. I can let go of things more and more easily. I am growing in stability and when that stability is not there for once (just last year I developed panic disorder due to renovation), I find the right help so that I recover! 

Working hard

So, now you have an idea of all the changes. Quite a long list, isn't it? Looking back, they are all changes I worked very hard for. I always had only one thing in mind: 

'How do I make life fit for me' 

Because you have a lot of influence! I was (sometimes still am) someone who is quick to shout: 'it has to be done', 'there is no other way', 'I have no choice'. And of course sometimes you have no choice, but I have learned that you have more influence than you often think. For instance, I had no choice to stop the renovation (while the house was completely open, there was no way back), but I did have the choice to make it as easy as possible for myself. What can help me? What do I have a say in? 

I had no choice when I had a handful of diagnoses and felt very ill. But I do have the choice to see how best to cope and organise my life in a way that is good for my health. 

Am I better?

Every few months it happens to me again: I truly believe I am better. No PTSD, no chronic fatigue, no brain damage, surely I can do almost everything 'normal people' can! My husband knows the drill by now and patiently sums up how much of an adjusted life I lead. And then, when something unexpected occurs that I find difficult and becomes troublesome again for a while, I realise it again: he is right.....

Is that bad? 

Honestly? I always feel a little sad when I find out that things don't change as much in terms of my health as I would like after all. But I also realise now that it means I have created a life where I feel like a fish out of water. I no longer feel like an outsider in society, I contribute my way and that is perhaps the biggest difference. I bring cosiness, slow living, softness and mental health closer to people. I get to touch people with my art that I make myself because it still helps me. I no longer have benefits (with many thanks to you!) and that makes me proud. I have a purpose in life and besides spreading cosiness and softness, I am very happy with my permanent place (a home!) and our family (well, husband and two dogs, is that a family?). 

Change is vital

Yes, change is important. Change is exciting. Change sometimes goes wrong (I could write a blog about that too ;-)). But in the end, we have to keep changing until we find the best for ourselves. That is vital as far as I am concerned! And yes... that is sometimes exciting! 

More change

Yes indeed! Because now there are also new cards and prints in the shop. But you will also find a helping hand for change, or of course a lovely notebook to get rid of it all!